This story comes for a good friend and has haunting similarities to Franz Kafka’s ‘The Trial’ (which I recommend to everyone to read in these “interesting” times). This happened to her yesterday and she agreed to let me post her words. Couple of things:
- I have only removed her name and workplace
- Except for the second to last line, all other embellishments were added by yours truly.
It’s situations like this that continue to make me fantasize about being someone like Edward ‘Brill’ Lyle from the movie ‘Enemy of the State’ who was able to live off the grid.
I’d like to take a few moments to share my morning…I lost my driver’s license. I called DMV and explained the situation, they told me I could not use my social security card as it is not ID but I could use my marriage license and my voter’s registration. No problem. I show up at DMV at 8:15, doors open at 8:30, I get right in. We do the eye exam, all the prerequisites. Then the woman says, “You have not updated the name on your social security card.†I confirm but as it’s not ID, no problem right? WRONG. The DMV computers nationwide are now linked to not only the IRS but also the social security office. DMV is not permitted to issue me a DL unless the name on the DL matches the social security card. She prints out a form and sends me downtown. I get downtown but I can’t get into the social security office which is in the court house because I don’t have a picture ID. I explain that I can’t get a picture ID because I don’t have a current SS card. …After some discussion and logging of my name, address, workplace, and a comment on my appearance, I get to go inside.I get inside, take a number and wait twenty minutes to see a woman who asks to see my DL. I give her the paperwork from DMV, the marriage license, and the voter’s registration. She can’t accept this because she needs a photo ID. Here we go again. I give her my Costco card. She wants a passport or a DL; I can’t get the passport or the DL without the SS card. I can’t get the SS card without the picture ID. I get angry and WTF is your problem slips out which attracts the attention of a cop who saunters over to observe. I dump my purse out onto her desk which in turn irritates the woman who says she “ONLY needs a DL or a passport to give me a new card.†In the fray she sees my company badge. She says she knows she can trust IBEW. Evidently my credit cards, video rentals, Costco, and everyone else are all rather shady. So, I give her my badge. She says, “Maam, the last name is different.†I explain that the #%$#% company won’t issue a new badge without a SS card which she won’t give without a DL, which DMV won’t give without a social. (Anyone feeling lost in an Abbot and Costello show yet?).I am also informed at this point that the IRS database, the social security database, and the DMV databases are all linked. Had I filed my taxes under my married name which is different than my card, it would have been a federal offense (but again our socials are not IDs). It is not mandatory by law that you replace your SS card when you marry and change your name but it is an offense to have your name on your taxes and your DL not match your SS card. What part of non-mandatory is our gov’ missing?The woman finally decides that if I belong to IBEW she can give me a new card but it will take two weeks to arrive so she gives me a letter to take to DMV as proof (yes, I know I don’t really belong to IBEW but none of this can possibly be happening in reality so I think I’m okay). On the way out the first cop is joined by a buddy who feels a need to do that construction worker guy thing and make a comment or two. I really hate cops.
I head back to DMV. I wait another 35 minutes to be seen and then find out that the social security system takes 48 hours to update so no DL until Friday. The end result….I have no DL and I have no SS card. However, I can rest easy at night knowing that through measures like this our gov’ment is protecting the “security and integrity of documents issued by states.†DMV told me that, it must be true.

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